It may be the season soon, (ref: Halloween) but the type of ghosting we are talking about today is a term used to abandon or ignore. While relationships are bound to have their ups and downs, as we all have experienced that at one time or another, they appear to always have a period of starting and then ending. The reasons that happened are clear usually. Quarrels, breakups occur and are mostly annoying, hurtful and infuriating. However, we have some idea about why the relationship was heading that direction.

Getting ghosted by someone, is like pulling the plug halfway through the relationship without any warning as to why. As per usual, because we cannot understand the issue, so it doesn't allow us any time to understand what happened, so we look to blame ourselves for the sudden loss of communication. Compared to clues that come from complaining and discord from incompatibility issues that you can feel might be coming from relationships, ghosting feels more like a shock. One thing to remember is that unless you are a very toxic person, irrationally destructive, or extremely angry or dangerous then the ghosting most likely is not about you! Why would someone choose to abandon another and completely cut them out of their life unless there are serious issues? So, it must be more about them.

Well, then the good news is most things in life are not about you. Yes, you may be involved in things, but that doesn't mean you were the cause of the reaction. Your involvement is the reason you are feeling abandoned, but actually the act of abandonment is all about them!

This most likely doesn't take away the pain if you have experienced ghosting, but it verifies why it is so important to know who you really are by exploring and becoming intentional with your efforts. Do not make excuses for someone in your mind or blame yourself either. Instead stop chasing them and come back to remembering who you are and let go of the idea that it was all on you. Heal from that place and get moving forward again.

Let's explore why ghosting is so easy to do these days.

  • It's easy. The internet makes it so easy to block someone across all social media platforms, or bar them from ever contacting you again. It is a tempting option instead of facing up to the challenge that relationship building can cause. That is not a healthy option.

  • High anxiety. Many people deal with a great amount of anxiety and worry. The fear of having an uncomfortable conversation or being confronted seems unmanageable for them. This type of person may choose to relocate or cease communications on and off again at will. You may still see them about town, but they won't speak to you or anyone else. They do not want to engage, so they shut down emotionally

  • Mental instability. Sometimes people have issues that causes them to become unstable or unavailable. For instance, those battling with high levels of depression may also feel like a burden and cannot find the energy to maintain a connection, so they simply stop and pull in where they feel safe.

  • Unhealthy attachments. Sometimes people grow up with anxious avoidance and find it difficult to connect when someone begins to intimately become involved. They may be all about it in the beginning, then lose control or freak out as things begin to go that direction so they run.

  • Hardwired personality defects. The person may fit into a psychological profiled trait that can be classified such as a sociopath (hot headed- self-absorbed) narcissistic (extreme self-involvement, or totally self-absorbed) or some other personality defect that leads them to not be able to understand how to handle emotions logically

  • Overwhelm. The person worries that the relationship is going too fast or too slow. Rather than have that conversation with you, they decide it is just too much for them to handle so they end it quickly without becoming vulnerable or allowing their walls to be penetrated.

Relationships mostly make sense and will have the aforementioned issues at times, but we usually come to a place of naturally understanding why and what needs clarity or work when we are in the throes of it all. It becomes a decision based on what we want out of life that ultimately helps us decide whether or not this person is truly an asset or a liability for your life.

Ghosting on the other hand, has no closure. That is truly a difficult way to end the story. It ends halfway through at any moment and most people can identify this is different than a breakup. It clearly is done wrongly to another. The victim often ends up blaming themselves followed by feelings of confusion, and humiliation which causes one to wonder what happened. The victim could begin self-analysis and judgement concerning their own appearance, intelligence or worth.

So what can you do about this when it happens?

Know that unless they are dead inside, chances are they know and still remember where and how they left things with you. Do not reach out to them. Let them do the reaching if they do at all. Begin the healing process for yourself and then decide to move on. After all, you might be grateful that this happened down the road. Ghosting may have become a great gift to you instead by helping you identify who truly is worth sticking around for, and who has actually stuck around for you in a positive sense. Rather than spending your life feeling sad about being ghosted, consider it an opportunity to find someone who deserves your time and effort, and caring. Let the ghost go and thank yourself for the wisdom to know the difference.

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