OK, I am certainly not condoning the pain of divorce or the proponents of sadness. Just the opposite. We are wired to believe that we are failures when faced with divorce, or a serious break-up. While the mind may be searching for reasons as to why this happened to you, there is a great opportunity to find the code of behavior and draw attention to it. In other words, a tragic time in our lives can actually be a place where you find profound unrealized strength for living that will serve you greatly in the future.
Phenix NLP the name chosen for my private practice mostly because it does signify moving out of such a place of fire, pain, destruction by developing and using core strength, metamorphic decision making strength along with powerful natural authentic resources to rise above adversity to changing the ambiguous quality of the painful experiences into motivating positive qualities. Sometimes the most profound experiences in life lead us to recognize that something must change.
While it may not seem possible at the moment. Understanding that while discomfort goes a long way to improving personal development, it is in this time of uncomfortable sensitivities we decide to make the most profound change. There is no one to blame. We are really in control of our own reactions. We may feel like dying on the inside from the incredible emotional pain, but the fact is we usually do not. we eventually move forward and decide how to best cope with the experience. Our beautiful mind decides how to arrive at a better connection with who we truly are, and enhances our strength if we will just allow it to do what it does best. Protect and serve. You see, what we believe about our self is key. What we believe about our self is also often right for us. Whether it is negative or positive in nature is in the choices we make based on this knowledge or wisdom. Either way, you will be correct. We do have a difficult time trying to manage and work through the process of change. Loss is most likely a shocking experience. We get this. However it is in this moment of pain, that we can find the greatest character. Our way forward begins in how we respond. Do we believe we deserved it? Did we have some sort of control over the result? Are the "what-if's" driving you mad?
It may be in your belief system and you programmed that into your psyche long ago. (along with the assistance of others input) You were not born with an inner critic. You developed one through the programming you have completed thus far in life. Now this is not to imply you have to blame yourself for anything. It is simply describing what what Neuro Linguistic Programming does best. With identification of your self-limiting beliefs, personal patterns, and understanding your unique perceptions to create and arrive at the way your internal programming is currently running will assist in navigating the way out of the forest of shame. Then, but helping you sort through the mechanics of your personal emotional coding we often provide a short-cut to the outcome of relief.
In the process the grieving becomes less and shortened. No one can tell you how long it will take, but we can tell you that it will most likely take less time then trying to go it alone. Most people are not skilled to find a trait in self, or even begin to know what to do to create the change that needs to happen in order for our lives to be better.
You might find a group to go to that will help you on the way, but your mind in the wrong hands can be dangerous, so be certain that the leader is properly trained to help. We live in a culture surrounded by negative response, but you can build your wisdom from the inside out by developing your core strengths. Once you realize by looking back only to recognize similar patterns in your life, you may have the insight then to recognize what you could be repeating today. Do you always seem to pick the same partner that always seems to lead to infidelity? Does it seem like those that are attracted to you are abusive? These are patterns. The good news is in the reasoning that now while your are raw emotionally you are more adept at observing why these same types of people enter your life over and over again while those that would be a better choice we find little attraction to.
There are stages of grief people experience as a result of this process. It is important not to stuff, but to come courageously face to face with your feelings. It's really ok to acknowledge those feelings. Since you no doubt cared for that person it is normal to feel pain associated while you search for closure. Neuro Linguistic Programming will help greatly cut to the chase in finding the value in the experience and transforming it from loss to presence and adding fullness. NLP realizes that out of weakness there is great strength. A positive in every experience to be kept. With that representation in mind, identifying the valued painful experience to now choose to understand and transform as you become wiser, stronger, and more confident that your future will hold great promise from this demise.
Davidene Bender-Main is a Master International Practitioner of
Neuro Linguistic Programming, Life Strategist, and certified
Ericksonian hypnotist at Phenix NLP in Charlotte NC