Managing your "fixer" mentality



Do you feel compelled to "fix" anything and everything when people confide something to you? Do you rush in to recue with advice, or offer to take control of the issues that belong to others? You may just be a "fixer."

Unfortunately, our well intended actions, often result in doing more harm than good. Without getting all the facts from the person we assume we know the problem well.

We get something from doing this. We feel needed, and take credit for being the "one" that everyone runs to when they need advice. However, it does not mean the advice was good. The listener may not even benefit from what you are trying to supply.

Along with supplying advice, you are also putting yourself in a position to to then take the responsibility for them. For instance, "Uncle Bob told me to do this." it could have been the worst piece of information, simply because you did not have all the facts.

Whenever we engage in advice giving, we sometimes can give the impression that the other person is more ignorant than you. Oh yes, if you are a "fixer" you are eager to show your knowledge,and wisdom so in a sense, you are elevating self up to a higher level then the other person. So how do you balance the need to assist?

People are solution natured. If they need advice they will talk to friends or a relative. Be mindful that sometimes people just need to vent, or tell someone something out loud so that they themselves can hear how that sounds, and find a solution. Change of any sort is difficult for all, but change must be initiated from the person asking advice. More times than not, if the change or answer comes from you, it then becomes your idea for their life, and not their own which then leads to not being able to stick to the answer.

So, if it is a question about how to fix a leaky drain, and you have the knowledge that would assist, please share. If you are being asked a life changing question, please listen. Then offer empathy to a degree and compassion. This may be all they truly need at the time.

You are wonderful for trying to assist someone, but ask yourself first, "What do they truly need at this time?" Do they truly need rescuing? If you feel this is true ask them how you may help them find what they need. Remember this. No one likes to be told what to do.

#Awareness #Mentalstates #enabler #NeuroLinguisticProgramming #BrainHealth

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